Wow, I really can’t believe myself.
Not only have I started smoking again but I’ve become enveloped in a bubble of pride and non-confrontation that I lashed out against my own father who has only given me the best and has only tried to help me. I truly am disappointed in myself.
Which brings me to the topic of this post: the passions. What are they? And why do they make me become a person who I do not like? The passions I know for a fact are very fickle, as in they come and go as they please without my thought on the matter. I can either choose to act upon them or squash them. For a very long time I have been squashing my passions by just holding my tongue or simply avoiding the matter. But I have soon realized, just as a balloon fills with water, humans too fill with passions that are soon to burst. Thus comes the only solution in my mind, the releasing of the passions.
But how should one go about releasing their passions? Once again I learn from my father. You must find an outlet, whether it be reading, whether it be games, whether it be smoking or drinking. Whatever it is, you have to find an outlet or else you will explode, and you will not recognize the person you have become. Of course like all things however, one must take these outlets with care and not to over indulge. But like with all things time heals, and so with the passions, finding your outlet paired with the elapse of time, brings forth closure to that passion.
I truly am disappointed in myself for going against what I preach. Who am I to say one thing and to act out in the opposite way? Who am I to be a spoiled brat that becomes closed minded and refuse to undertake the responsibility that so many people don’t even have the option to refuse? The only thing I can do now is to practice what I preach by meditating over my thoughts and when I feel my passions arising to quickly remind myself of my outlet (which has become smoking, ffs) and to take a nap.
Whatever that outlet may be, make sure to keep in mind that it does not bother others and that it is not detrimental to your immediate health (I know smoking is, but hey, I’m human, I’ll learn one day). In the meantime I can only profusely apologize to those I lash out on during my passions and have to continue to remind myself that life is suffering, and it’s my responsibility to look at life through perspective and through right reason.
I am so disappointed in myself, but can only move forward from here.